Whats this feeling? Be blunt
by Musicislovely
Summary: Lily Evans has always loathed James, but perhaps all that loathing, was just her protecting herself from her true feelings. Lily and James one shot :D


Lately, a certain someone has been _extremely _irritating. Not like that someone is ever _not _irritating. Just, recently I've noticed something about him, something small really, nothing to worry about right? I mean his smile isn't really _that _attractive. I mean it's a half smile. You know, one of those side ways smiles that make you melt? _Not like his smile makes me melt or anything! _He just has a similar smile, which is fine because it has no affect on me, right? _Right! _Fine! I'm done thinking about his smile, I mean why should I think about It ever at all? I cant stand James anyways. He's just so arrrg! I know what will get James Potter off my mind; a good book. I grabbed my favorite book titled 'Jerry Stotter and the deadly burrows' and went down to the library to read it. Oddly enough the character in the book sounded like the exact description of James, except Jerry had green eyes like mine, which made me think about how James Potter's eyes had _no_ affect on me either. I laughed.

"Rich deep hazel eyes…" I started to dream about those beautiful specks of gold, brown and green in James' eyes. "yeaaah no affect…"

"What about hazel eyes?" Said a voice from behind that sounded sickingly familiar. "Because if you like hazel eyes, I've got you covered." He said plopping himself down on the chair in front of me. My original plan was to not look at him, but I set my own trap when I glanced up at him. He was _smiling! _Gazing at him, I was getting lost in his eyes, counting the colors behind those lenses, as his smile melted me. "You like Jerry Stotter books? I like the dead parents, Jim and Rose, they seem like the perfect couple to me, don't you think?" When I thought about it, the parents were the _exact_ description of James and I.

"No, Jim harassed Rose all through school, which is just annoying and obnoxious."

"But he got to be with her, they had a son, who ended up saving the world from evil. By the way, if we had a son, what would you want to name him?"

"We aren't going to have a son…Harry."

"What?"

"If I have a son, I want to name him Harry."

"His middle name should be James."

"Why would his middle name be James?"

"After his amazing father" He winked.

"Get over yourself." I said sternly and got back to my book.

"You know Lily, I think you _need_ to go on a date with me." I raised my eyebrows at him from behind my book. I lowered it to get a clear look at his face and said:

"Really? Please enlighten me."

"You need to see me for who I really am. Plus you're too up-tight, I think dating me would be good for you."

"You _make_ me 'up-tight'!" I scowled. "I think what's best for me would be to _not _date you."

"You aren't dating me now, and allow me to ask, how is that working out for you?"

"Just dandy, thanks for the genuine concern Potter." I slammed my book shut and ran off. What an arrogant self absorbed jerk. I really cannot believe that he just doesn't get the picture. Does he expect me to jump up and down, squealing with joy, like most girls would if 'like James Potter totally asked them out, like OMG!' Girls these days could be so naive. I started walking back to the Gryffindor corridor, when I had walked through the door, after giving the password, I came face to face with James Potter. He was so close to me, looking down at me, his face close to mine.

"One date?" He breathed heavily, pulling strands of hair out of my face and behind my ear. I would've asked him how he had gotten there so fast, but I was mesmerized by him. The way he was so close to me, touching me gingerly and lovingly. "You're beautiful, Lily Evans." He breathed deeply. His breath smelled so sweet, I closed my eyes and got lost in his scent. It was like he was sucking me into his lungs, because I stood up on my toes and leaned into him. I suddenly realized I was leaning against him and his lips were coming towards mine.

"James!" I squealed, and pushed him away. I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth. "I-I gotta go!" I mumbled from under my hand.

"What?" He said confused. I didn't think he heard me. He started walking towards me reaching his hands out to grab my arms and stop me from running off. I started bolting towards the girls room when I dropped my book right in front of him. We both went to pick it up, but hit our heads together.

"_Ow!" _We both said. "You know what? Keep the book!" I ran off.

"Lily! Please!" I stopped on the stairs. Looked at him with a tear-stained face.

"I'm sorry." I said. Then I ran up the stairs. Leaving him there with my book. I ran to my bed, diving onto it, and gripping my pillow like it was a life raft, and let my tears act like waves, crashing against it. "I cant believe I almost kissed him! And the whole hitting our heads thing, could we get anymore cliché?" Why did I even start crying? What is wrong with me? All I know is I need to avoid James. After him seeing me like _that _all I wanted was to never see him again. Not like I ever did want to see him I just want to see him less than before. The thing was that we were both in Gryffindor and had classes together. How could I manage avoiding him?

The next day I had to go to class. I was heading to potions when I glanced into the distance to scan my surroundings for a certain boy. When I noticed him I held my books up to my face and started speed-walking through the crowd. "Crap, crap, crap, don't see me, keep walking, keep walking." I made it to potions. Unfortunately James would arrive shortly after me. I knew James and his little gang of friends would sit in the back left corner to avoid being caught doing anything they shouldn't be doing. Professor Slughorn didn't pay them any mind anyways. He only paid attention to his "collected" students. The ones he thought had a bright future, and James and his friends weren't in the slug-club. Where as I, on the other hand, was, and needed to avoid being called out in class. I moved myself to the right, back corner of the room to avoid all eyes. I sat there looking off to my side, away from the door where James would be entering.

"Lily." I heard a voice sound behind me. I turned to see Remus, the most decent of James' crew, looking down at me. "James wanted me to give you this." He said, handing me my book.

"Thanks Remus." I said while blushing severely. I couldn't be anymore embarrassed. Had James told them what happened? Had he asked Remus to give me the book because he didn't want to talk to me?

"May I sit with you today?"

"Yeah go ahead." He took the seat next to me. I figured it was because he could see right through my embarrassment. "So why did James ask youto give me my book back?"

"I don't know" he said blankly.

"Are you lying, Remus?"

"No, he wouldn't even tell us why he had it in the first place. Sirius is accusing him of breaking into your room somehow and stealing it."

"That's not what happened"

"It isn't?" He paused. "Then what _did _happen?"

"Nothing…"

"Lily you can tell me."

"Okay." I told him everything that happened. I didn't leave out a single detail. I realized Remus is one of the best listeners I had ever talked to. I loved talking to him until he said four little words that brought up my defenses faster than it should've.

"So you like James?" He said.

"_What! No! Of course not._ Why would you even say something like that?"

"The way you acted makes it obvious."

"If it was so 'obvious' then why didn't James notice?"

"James is naive. You should tell him."

"I _don't_ like him" I said sharply. It turned out the conversation took the entire class time. I stood up and ran off as fast as I could. When the day was almost over I was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, when I started thinking; what if Remus tells James about our conversation? What if he tells him his ridiculous assumption that I like him? Id be screwed. James would cling to me even more. After all this thinking I realized I left my book that Remus returned to me in potions class. Perhaps its still there. I decided to go ask professor Slughorn if he had seen it. I started making my way to potions when I saw Sirius on the way there.

"Where are you headed Evans? You better scurry off back to your room before James steals more of your things." He laughed. James had defended me by lying to his friends. Now it was my job to defend him.

"James didn't break into my room and steal my things, I dropped it when I was going to bed and he picked it up and kindly asked Remus to return it to me." He frowned at me.

"I don't believe that for a minute."

"Why not?"

"Because, if that were true James would've been jumping up and down at the opportunity to give it back to you. He wouldn't have asked Remus to do it."

"Maybe James just doesn't like me anymore." He laughed at this.

"Are you crazy? James will _never _give up on you. He loves you."

"Love is a powerful word…"

"Which is why its perfect to describe his feelings towards you. Lily, he has more than a crush on you, and I think, from the look you have on your face, the feeling just might be mutual." I didn't even want to respond to this. I simply walked away when I made it to the potions room. I knocked on the door and it opened. I stepped inside to find Professor Slughorn.

"Yes Ms. Evans?" He said

"Professor, it seems I left my Jerry Stotter book in your class. Have you seen it?"

"Well I believe that Remus took it. You should ask him."

"Thank you sir." I left the room knowing that I didn't want to talk to Remus after our little conversation earlier, but I had to. I went to Gryffindor and into the boys room. I knocked on the wall to inform them someone was going to come in. The only people there were Peter and Sirius. "Do either of you know where my book is?"

"Remus put it on his night stand." Peter said pointing to it.

"Thanks." I said walking towards it.

"Sirius says you finally admitted you like James"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't deny it either." Sirius said. I ignored him and left with my book. This was just great. Now all them seem to have it in their heads that I like James. Which is ridiculous. How could I like such a daft git? I don't. I wouldn't be interested in someone like that. Although, he had protected me from embarrassment, and he has never given up on me. Maybe he isn't all bad. Come to think of it I haven't seen him for a while. His friends are everywhere but he is no where to be found. Curiosity took over me. Or maybe it was something else. But I turned on my heel and marched straight to Sirius and asked him where James was. "Oh so now _you're_ fallowing _him_ around?"

"Just tell me where he is."

"He's in the library." On the way to the library I couldn't stop thinking about James. His perfect half smile, his glasses which were like windows to his beautiful eyes. I made it to the library and saw James sitting at a table reading. I walked over to him and plopped myself down in the chair in front of him. He didn't even look at me. I felt nervous. He hadn't moved an inch, he was just…reading. I grabbed his book and pushed it down against the table. He sighed.

"Yes?" He asked

"I-I…Did I do something wrong?" He just stared at me. "Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not…I'm just…I don't know." He sighed and looked off to the distance. Refusing to look at my face. For some reason I felt hurt. My voice softened and my eyes went watery.

"James…I-"

"Lily, don't cry, I've just been thinking about yesterday, and frankly I don't know what to make of it."

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"I can't tell if you care for me or not, you're a mystery to me, Lily." I reached my hand out for his but stopped myself. How did I feel about James? Did I actually like him or something? No, there's no way I could…maybe?

"James, I'm just as confused as you are, honestly I don't know what this feeling is. I've never felt this before."

"Well, you think about it Lily, but I want to give you something first."

"Really James what's-" He interrupted me with a kiss. It was passionate and strong, but also gentle and sweet somehow. It made my heart jump down into my stomach, and flutter in my belly. This emphasized the strange feelings I was getting for him. What could this feeling be? James pulled away from me and then stood up and started walking away. He stopped.

"I'll wait for you Lily." He said, and then he vanished from sight. I stood, wobbling from confusion. Nervously clutching my book. I walked towards the girl's room of Gryffindor in such a zombie-like state. When I reached the room I dropped my book on my night stand and fell down onto my bed, feeling so frustrated. I'd always loathed James, or so I thought. Perhaps my loathing was just me trying to hide what I was really feeling? No that couldn't be it. I cant let myself believe that.

"Still…" I touched my fingertips to my lips and blushed. "A kiss like that only happens with someone you love." Silly me thinking about such things. This isn't a fairy tale, and I am certainly no princess. Maybe I'm just afraid of loving him and then the pain that will come when I lose him. Every hello ends with a goodbye. As cliché as that statement seems, its very true. Nothing lasts forever. Only those destined to be together, die together. What's the point in even bothering in this if its only going to lead to sorrow? I started stroking my hair nervously. What if I was passing up on something, though? What if James and I are meant to be? Even then, how would I go about this? How would I even be able to know? He'd always bothered me through school. Never did I think that he could be serious. I wouldn't let myself consider it. I believe I need to speak with a boy about this. Someone intelligent enough to think it over and listen. Someone kind enough to bother with it and not give out judgment. I need someone close enough to James to understand the situation. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a note for that person. I'd ask them to meet me in the library explaining I need their opinion. I owled the letter, hoping Remus would accept the invitation. Him being close by, I got my answer quickly. When my owl came back and dropped a response on my lap I picked it up and took a deep breath, opening it. He had excepted the invite and promised not to mention it to anyone. He requested for us to meet in an hour. His friends all had detention during this time so we wouldn't have to worry about them. It was set. An hour later I was waiting in the library for Remus, tapping my fingertips on the table. When he showed, he sat in the chair in front of me and smiled. He took out a bag and pulled out some tea and little cakes.

"Here, you look like you need to relax a bit. Have some tea and cake."

"Oh, thank you Remus." He smiled and nodded at me.

"So, I believe you wanted to talk about James?"

" Yes. I don't know what to do Remus. I suppose I'm just afraid." He chuckled a bit.

"Aren't we all afraid, Lily?"

"What do you mean?"

"Only people who have never been hurt in their life, could jump into something that involves being emotionally linked to someone, head on. No, I find it very normal of you to want to get someone else's advice and prospective. Its what anyone in a situation like this would do." He then sipped some tea.

"I suppose you're right." I took a bite of cake. "Remus, why are they in detention in the first place?"

"Something about Sirius and Peter intentionally disrupting a potion."

"If it was only Sirius and Peter, then why is James in detention?"

"He did nothing wrong, though he is a part of the group and has gotten in trouble before. The teachers know that, so they automatically just punish all of them."

"Aside from you, of course?" He did a little bowing motion and then laughed.

"Pretty much, anyways lets get back to James."

"Right, I want your personal opinion, do you think James loves me, genuinely and sincerely?"

"Lily, someone as smart as you, should be able to put two and two together and easily figure it out." He smiled. "I mean, He's never given up on you, I don't think he ever will. I swear if he doesn't love you then love must not exist."

"Well, do you think I should go for it?"

"I cant promise that if you do go for it then you wont come out wounded, but do you really want to look at him everyday and wonder?" I looked down into my tea, Considering what Remus had just said. "Lily, I think you should give it a shot."

"How should I tell him that-that I want him?"

"Be very blunt, don't beat around the bush, just be straight up about it."

"I see, and Remus, if this goes wrong, promise me we will stay friends."

"Don't be silly Lily, of course we will stay friends." I smiled at him and we spent the rest of our time laughing and drinking our tea

~Bottoms up~

The next morning, when I got up from bed, everyone else was still sleeping away. I brushed my teeth and bathed. When I was all ready for the day I went downstairs and stopped in front of the staircase leading to the boys room. My fists clenched. James was up there. Spontaneous would be a good way of going about this. Blunt and willing. Yes, this is what I had to do. I ran up the stairs and busted inside.

"_James Potter!" _I yelled. All the boys woke and were moaning and complaining about my sudden outburst.

"L-lily? Wha-what are you-" He didn't even have time to finish his sentence. Before that time I had jumped onto his bed, wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. When I pulled away he looked stunned. "Does this mean?"

"Yes." I said simply. The boys in the room cheered and he kissed me. This is the start of something beautiful. I just know it.


End file.
